I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Boobs speak an international language.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
