just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
