I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
