You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
