Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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