Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
