i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I need a burrito and a hug.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
