Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
