So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
God, I missed his penis.
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