The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
