I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
