if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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