it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
