if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You pole danced in your parka.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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