do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
