It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
