tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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