I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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