Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
