You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
