he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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