And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
