In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
