if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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