____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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