oh god the rape fog is back!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
