Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
