my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
