I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Randomize
