Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
