Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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