Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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