pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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