My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
