No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
