mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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