The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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