Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
