i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
