Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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