so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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