I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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