I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
