If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize