I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
