Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
