Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
