Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
