so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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