**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
