How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
