btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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