I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
