To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
