I'm going to jail i love you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
