i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
