My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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