Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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