I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
