how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
