Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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