she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
