Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
ok first of all what the fuck
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
