That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
