so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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