So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
