So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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