well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
