so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
